
Three Dog Night sang, “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.”
I’ve been walking our congregation through the book of Ecclesiastes, and Chapter 4 has confronted all of us with the problem of aloneness. As I looked at the text, and as I looked in the mirror, I realized that the overwhelming emotions facing Solomon are universal. Loneliness stings. In fact, the problem of loneliness is as old as the human race. I backtracked and noted: “It is not good that the man should be alone (Genesis 2:18).” In the Hebrew Scriptures, that’s God’s first recorded “not good,” and I contend that it still applies to each one of us – whether we’re single or married.
You and I were never designed to go it alone.
Don’t get me wrong. At one time or another, everybody feels lonely. But the struggle can get intense. When feelings of aloneness become frequent, social isolation begins to increase. The American Psychological Association warns that social isolation is mounting in American society at an alarming rate. Several factors contribute. More people live alone than ever before. As people have fewer children, the average household size is trending downward, and at this point more than 50% of the population is unmarried. Simultaneously, meaningful connections to religious communities are decreasing. Even volunteerism is down in the U.S. as of this writing. When it comes to overall societal health and wellbeing, all of these trends are moving in the wrong direction.
People between 30 and 44 years of age poll the loneliest. 29% of people in this age range report that they’re “frequently lonely” or “always lonely.” And there are no substantial gender differences – it seems that men and women experience similar rates of loneliness. Nor do there appear to be major differences based on race or ethnicity. Loneliness can strike anyone, anytime, anywhere.
America is a lonely nation.
Harvard Graduate School of Education researchers have published data noting what they describe as “existential loneliness,” or a “fundamental sense of disconnection from others or the world.” Of those who self-identify as lonely, 65% say they feel “fundamentally separate or disconnected from others or the world,” and 57% say they are unable to share their true selves with others.
Existential loneliness.
I’d say it’s nothing short of tragic that you and I have friends, neighbors, and family members who feel like they can’t ever be themselves. You may remember the line from Shakespeare: “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”
What I’m trying to say is that chronic loneliness is a serious problem. And the reality is that you and I can experience aloneness and loneliness even when there are plenty of people around. Maybe you’re there right now. We’re the constantly connected disconnected generation. We all know that technology is at least partly to blame for this unsettling phenomenon, but we don’t fully understand all the connections or ramifications.
Underlying much of our national anger is grief. And underlying much of our national grief is loneliness.
We’re tempted to think that the cure for our loneliness must be people, but God’s Word reminds us that people can’t – apart from the Lord – fix us. In fact, no person or power on Earth can bring us the “peace which surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:6-7). When you and I look to other people to fill our loneliness void, exclusively, we’re like the woman at the well whose thirst was never quenched until she met Jesus. Christ will meet us in all our sorrows, including our loneliness, and only He can give our exhausted souls the rest we ultimately crave (Matthew 11:28-30). No human being – and not one of our expensive toys – can ever give us the supreme satisfaction that we discover only in Jesus Christ. You and I must never forget that we find our “completeness” only in Christ (Colossians 2:8-10).
That being clearly established, the people around me matter forever. The same goes for you. According to Ephesians 4:1-16, the Lord’s beautiful work of redemption extends far beyond our being reconciled to God – wonderful as that is! God’s amazing grace just keeps giving! Accompanying the arrival of the Holy Spirit of our ascended Christ are God’s gifts for His people – you and me – and these come to us in the form of other people. So, as we receive each other in love, and as we work together to build and protect the unity of the church, we celebrate the unique gift that is each other. No spiritual gift is a self-generated achievement. The truth is that each gifted believer – that includes every one of us who belongs to Christ – is a distinctive treasure sent by God.
In my sin and selfishness, as I navigate the hardships of life, I can become so self-absorbed that I bail on the hard work of cultivating good, healthy, edifying, and Christ-honoring relationships. Perhaps that’s a danger you face too. Lord, help us! Millie Welsh writes: “Since we are made in God’s image and He values being known more than anything else, it stands to reason that it is very important to us as humans to also be known. Not only do we want to be known by God, but we have a high need to be known by others … There is something in us that makes us want to belong, to be known, and to be understood. We are made for relationship, which is a gift from God.” So, friends, let’s keep doing the hard work of relationship-building for God’s glory. The dividends are eternal.
“A threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). I’m sure grateful for this promise. We desperately need God. We desperately need each other. And in that order.
Be encouraged.
Pastor Charles
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