The evangelical culture has dropped the ball.
It’s my guess that no one intended to drop the ball, but we did. After the widespread failure of “purity culture” to deliver the healthy marriages and families that it promised – at least in the experiences of many – we’re left with lots of Christian men struggling to find a distinctively true vision of masculinity. We can’t live it out if we don’t even know what it is.
Andrew Tate can’t help us. By his own admission, he’s attracted to power, so it’s easy to see how he can entertain a male audience. But Andrew’s view of the world is the way of absolute dominance. Thus, Islam holds powerful sway over Mr. Tate. He is outraged by contemporary views of “tolerance” – and we can, to a degree, validate his concern – but Andrew Tate ends up propagating an understanding of masculine strength that is antithetical to the Scriptures.
So what’s the truth about masculinity?
1. Masculinity is healthy and good. Men are called to manhood, and that includes a thankfulness for how God has made and wired us. True manhood embraces God’s design with gusto and gratitude. For example, we by nature tend to be visual creatures, and there should be no shame in that. In and of itself, it was non-toxic that Eve turned Adam’s head. Real men respect the priceless image of God imprinted upon themselves and upon others (Genesis 1:27-28). We men subdue the earth, but no person is objectified or dehumanized in the heart of a real man.
2. Masculinity appreciates the good gift of sex. Among its other purposes, God designed sex to be pleasurable, and the ecstasy of sex foreshadows the complete ecstasy of our complete union with Christ. Tim Keller wrote, “Great sex is a parable of the Gospel – to be utterly accepted in spite of your sin, to be loved by the One you admire to the sky.” Sex is sacred because it pictures the happiness within the Trinity. The Father, Son, and Spirit live in perfect devotion to each other, pouring love and joy into one another without limits. Sex between a husband and wife points to the love within the Trinity, and the love between Christ and us (Ephesians 5:31-33). It takes some deprogramming and reprogramming – and some strong bonds of honest brotherhood – but real men get this.
3. Masculinity pictures the strength of Jesus. The same Lord whom the Bible describes as one whose “eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice like the roar of many waters” (Revelation 1:14-15) also tells us this: “Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29). When people perceive Jesus as “weak” in a pejorative sense, it’s because they completely misunderstand His grace. The “weakness” that Jesus brings is a measureless love for a lost world.
4. Masculinity bends the knee. Fully male manliness fears God. Without the fear of God, there’s no true masculinity. But, with the fear of God, manliness displays the stooping love of Jesus. Authentic manhood keeps its eye on the prize, and is fueled by the compelling remembrance of Christ, who “though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant” (Philippians 2:6-7).
5. Masculinity understands the world’s deep brokenness, and seeks to be actively redemptive in the midst of it. We speak out against sexual and other abuse, and we defend those who are victims – or potential victims – of it. A real man repents of his personal abuses of power, and seeks to demonstrate the ferociously formidable yet gracious gospel of Christ through his own radically changed life.
6. Masculinity lives by the power of God. No matter how much a man can bench press, manhood doesn’t show itself in the form of arrogance or rudeness. Healthy masculinity doesn’t demand its own way (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). In God’s economy, unchecked dominance and ego are never signs of strength, but tragic indicators of weakness. The world doesn’t understand this, but godly compassion is the ultimate strength. Said Jesus, “The greatest among you shall be your servant” (Matthew 23:11). On the Cross, Christ became weak for us, so that we – now in covenant union with Him – might become strength for others.
7. Masculinity reflects the glory of God. Whether single or married, we love with invisible power. The glorious good news of the Christian gospel does not abandon the idea of strength, but we men are to wield that strength for the benefit of others. Real men protect and provide. Real men are strong for those who can’t be. That, friends, is chivalry at its finest.
We who are evangelical followers of Christ should be the most sex-positive people on the planet. Until we are, we can expect the young people among us to get their cues on this subject from the world. It is this pastor’s humble opinion that the church needs a healthy dose of confession and repentance in this regard. We have largely avoided the subject of human sexuality, and – when we have chosen to address it – come across more passionate about the prohibitions than the gift of sex itself. This must change.
As I write this, I’m vividly aware that the one writing this is a man still under construction. I’ve made lots of mistakes, and gotten lots of things wrong. I’ve been selfish when I should have been a servant. But I’m learning. I’m also aware that all the men reading this are imperfect too. Here’s to you, sir – don’t give up! You are not defined by your past mistakes. God is so for you that He sent His only Son to set you free from your greatest enemy, sin. He can redeem that which was once broken. He can heal that which was once disastrous. He can give you a new start and a new strength.
He still makes real men.
Pastor Charles
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