Nothing has more power over you than a wrong which you hold against another.
Nothing.
It seems strange, doesn’t it? We’re holding onto the harm that has been done to us by another person. At the same time, we have no idea of the more substantial harm that we’re perpetrating against ourselves.
That’s how unforgiveness works, friends. It feels so right, but it’s oh so wrong.
We don’t like to forgive because we confuse forgiveness with justice. It may well be that the person who wronged us doesn’t “deserve” to be forgiven. That is usually the case. The person who hurt us may not care if we forgive them, and in fact may even have no concern at all that they caused us harm. There may have been no effort on their part to make amends of any kind. But justice isn’t the essence of forgiveness.
We don’t like to forgive because we confuse forgiveness with trust. It may well be that the person who wronged us – regardless of whether or not we extend forgiveness – is ineligible to be our BFF (at least for now). In fact, as a general rule for everybody, it’s harmful to relate to people outside of a context marked by healthy boundaries. Learning to apply such wisdom is part of our journey toward maturity. But trust isn’t the essence of forgiveness.
We don’t like to forgive because we confuse forgiveness with acceptance. We’re subtly or not so subtly afraid that, if we choose to forgive, then we have to be “O.K.” with the harm that was done to us. That’s simply not true. It’s very likely that the harm done to us will never be acceptable in the sense that it’s suddenly “alright with us” or morally appropriate behavior. But acceptance isn’t the essence of forgiveness.
We don’t like to forgive because we confuse forgiving with forgetting. This is commonly misunderstood, even among sincere followers of Christ. When we forgive, we may sometimes experience a “holy forgetfulness” (Jeremiah 31:34), but forgiving and forgetting are not one and the same. I would submit for your consideration today that forgiving is much more beautiful than forgetting.
To forgive is to let go. It is to die to our make-believe right to hold the offenses of others against them. It is to lay down our stubborn anger and resentment in the light of a bloody cross. A cross where my sins impaled the nails into my precious Savior. A cross where unmerited love was shouted from heaven. A cross where my forgiveness was secured forever: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
When it comes to the real-life outworkings of forgiveness, none of them can you and I accomplish in human strength. Genuine forgiveness simply can’t be done on our own. But, with our eyes on our risen Lord Jesus, all things are possible indeed. C.S. Lewis rightly observed: “To be Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
When we forgive others, as Christ has so freely forgiven us, we set ourselves free! We allow ourselves to become emotionally and spiritually healthy. We position ourselves to move forward in life in the ways in which we have felt stuck. Forgiveness is an amazing and wonderful thing. It is a rich and multifaceted blessing for all involved. It is a profound work of divine grace in us.
When the “let go” of forgiveness truly happens, more than one prisoner is set free.
“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” Yes, Lord. Give us ears to hear.
Pastor Charles
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